Tuesday, 6 December 2011


A while back,I met this wealthy fine man, who was old enough to be my father,he offered to give me a lift when I was taking a walk close to my apartment and being the good girl (just incase my mom reads this) that I am, I declined.Weeks later, while I was taking another walk close to my apartment ( yes I take walks and I can afford to take a cab),coincidence or not, this realllly nice automobile (notice I dint type car, to emphasize how nice it was) passed me, whilst I was still scoping the car, I saw it stop and start reversing and I looked away, trying to act like I had a better car and continued walking,only for the AUTOMOBILE to come to a halt close to me and the driver of this automobile decided to honk, I looked around to make sure it was my attention needed besides I was not putting on my medicated glasses and I was half blind.He beckoned on me to look through the passenger window and I did, only to see THIS OLD PAPA!!!!!!!well, we exchanged pleasantries with me being really polite, then he asked if I lived close by and I denied saying I was going to my friends house, he wanted to offer me a ride but I told him I was good because I started suspecting ''Old man wanting young girl move''.As I was saying goodbye nicely,the next thing I heard was, ''I would really like to spend some time with you,to get to know you because you look like a  nice person'' me nice?you go fear old man pick up line besides it sounded soooo 9jerian and he then I smiled because my imagination started its usual job and I started imagining 9ja old men and the stories associated with them,to probably use my young blood to look fresh or use my b**b or tongue for money ritual and I had to tell him politely that I was busy and it would not be possible,he accepted quickly and left and I thought he got the message that I was not interested but little did I know that some days later I would be visited.It was a lazy saturday and I was being lazy only to get a knock on my door,I opened it and there he was, STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!!!.I was surprised and thought that finally my eyes had failed me, I blinked rapidly and asked what he wanted and he starts saying rubbish that I could not comprehend because I was too busy staring at his old saggy cracked dehydrated lips and also wondering if his teeth were real or from a goat,VERY IRRITATING!!!!, I was so embarassed because I did not want to be seen as a ''bad girl'' by my neighbours and he was talking sooooooo loud, saying how he wanted to go on a date with me.I told him I was sick but gave him my mobile number just so he could leave... after that day, he called a couple of times before I travelled outta the country for a while, so he probably called and got tired of calling but Today,while I was out with Gini and Chi I tried calling a mechanic on my phone but ended up dialling his number cos he shares the same name with the mechanic, I started talking with the person,but noticed the person with whom I was talking with sounded very sophisticated and I looked at the phone only to realize he was the I developed sudden heart attack,one bucket of adrenaline was pumped into my system and I quickly cut the call praying he would not call back but he did, CAN U IMAGINE THIS OLD MAN???, he called right back, I did not know what to do and I threw the phone at Chi and told her to ask if he was the mechanic.Chi picked up and asked if he was a mechanic the way she said it was so funny,sounding all Igbotic and innocent at the same time.I felt bad for him, imagine Obasanjo picking up a call only to hear someone ask if he was a mechanic?, well she did a very good job but the foolish Gini that was driving started laughing out so loud I think he probably heard it,then Chi started explaining to him that she took my phone to call a mechanic but she dialled a wrong number cos he asked if he was speaking with me ( she is such a good liar!!!!!! I applaud her)

1)delete every old man's phone number from your phone except you are an aristo babe(wink)
2)have a good liar friend like chi especially a sharp enugu babe
3)do not have a foolish friend like Gini that would be laughing
4)do not take walks alone...

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