MOVING FORWARD...

 

For a while now, I have been hiding from myself, not wanting to be found. The months rolled by with me watching, too lazy to care enough to pick Dee up from the shackles of self pity that held her in serious captivity. I had even diagnosed and re-diagnosed myself with medical conditions to aid the laziness. I had gone from Adjustment disorder when the feeling became too prolonged to Post traumatic stress disorder and Bipolar disorder with just the depressive episode and recently, I was only too happy to diagnose myself with Premature mid life crisis. I told Eljay my diagnosis and she went, "oh please. You just don't want to boil rice that's why you are coming up with this excuse. Abeg go jor". I also started thinking possible Schizophrenia and started waiting on the delusions and hallucinations to begin. Plus no!!! It had absolutely nothing to do with a particular episode of criminal minds I saw.

   Basically, life has thrown at us fair share of problems as a source of entertainment, be it the life changing type or the type I would prefer like: what car do I drive today? What country do I visit? What clothes should I put on(whilst looking at what I can only describe as Kim K's walk in closet) *sigh* some people do have good problems.
   From october last year, change started to take place and too fast. Maybe it is the post birthday curse, who knows. Fear of my 2013 goals getting achieved, my mom's health played a role in affecting my plans but the mother ship that knocked me off, was a dear friend who I can only describe as the bogeyman of my dreams. That babe broke my heart into a million pieces, that I am only just beginning to recover from the shock. Yes!!! I am that sensitive with people I let cross that bridge. Don't get me wrong, I have never had problems with writing off people, an art I have mastered over the years. I guess I allowed my self dwell on it too much. Maybe it was the break I needed to slow down my over ambitions. That experience, changed my life. I started doing things I never would have. I did not recognize this girl. She started hurting people I never would have and the smile on her face was cold, fake and 100% plastic. I can only describe it as an overdose of botox.
   I saw my world crumbling and I was just too comfortable with it and I am ashamed to admit that I let that girl snatch my life from me and to think that I am not even a lesbian tsk tsk tsk. My better part of 2013 has been swallowed by the shark of self pity, tears and regrets.

Today, I arose from that coma. I decided to take charge of my life. Shhhhh did you hear the hard shell crack? Whoever said it couldn't. The regret filled me? Oh shut the f**k up and listen hard!!! Can you hear it? Tell me you do not feel lighter. Now feel your legs Dee, feel those lifeless limbs like the healing you see on tv, your very own atmosphere for miracles. Now jump, run and take it to the roof. It is time to reclaim your life. You have broken the shackles. Your eagle is beginning to soar. Listen hard!!! do you hear goals? Do you hear them Dee? Yes!! Yes!!! I can hear.I can hear them over the sounds of doubt. I can hear them like those Akara school bells ringing.

Her lips begin to part, it creates a crack on the face. What is that on her face? What is that? Dee responds, " A smile. A beautiful non plastic smile". Ahhhh!! I see the dimples. I understand now.

Hello world Dee is back the hustle just got better...