MOVING FORWARD...

 

For a while now, I have been hiding from myself, not wanting to be found. The months rolled by with me watching, too lazy to care enough to pick Dee up from the shackles of self pity that held her in serious captivity. I had even diagnosed and re-diagnosed myself with medical conditions to aid the laziness. I had gone from Adjustment disorder when the feeling became too prolonged to Post traumatic stress disorder and Bipolar disorder with just the depressive episode and recently, I was only too happy to diagnose myself with Premature mid life crisis. I told Eljay my diagnosis and she went, "oh please. You just don't want to boil rice that's why you are coming up with this excuse. Abeg go jor". I also started thinking possible Schizophrenia and started waiting on the delusions and hallucinations to begin. Plus no!!! It had absolutely nothing to do with a particular episode of criminal minds I saw.

ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT KEIRA ... 6/9/2013

It is 5:35am, rain pouring down on earth heavily. It felt like even God almighty above did not agree with my loss, he understood how I felt and the heavy down pour was his way of showing his disapproval with earth. The week had certainly been one of the worse weeks ever and keira's disappearance just had to top it up. I guess when trouble comes, it does that in multiple waves at once(Dr E.A.Y) RIP...
     I laid on the couch, my mind on her, wondering if she was alive, probably cold, lost, hungry and alone would she be able to cope especially with her serious case of hydrophobia...
      Keira is my baby, to others she was just a dog, a common dog, but not to me. I adopted her october 8th, 2008 for my birthday but we did not get to take her home till the 10th. She turned out not as expected, the day she was chosen, while her puplings (dog siblings) came to meet me all playful, she slept on like she did not have a care in the world, yet I chose her. That unknown force made me do it.

WORDS...

Your words hurt Dee...

I do not think I have ever thought about the gravity of that phrase, nor have I ever ever deemed it time appropriate to reflect on it. I have also probably abused it with the times I have used it. In moments that those words rolled out of my mouth, I was just using them because they sounded appropriate but I really do want to put my self on a stern disciplinarian's lap and spank the hell outta my dry skinny butt.