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Tuesday 6 March 2012

HOW MAMA GEE FINISHED ME...

Last week, I made the greatest mistake ever,telling Mama Gee that I was broker than the word broke and it was that bad that I needed a baby sitter job and coming from someone like me, who does not know how to play with kids,it was meant to illustrate how broke I was and we joked and laughed about me being a baby sitter.I also told Tee my intentions,who laughed at me and the joke continued for days.She would even tell me to print out my name and paste on the walls close to the apartment complex and I would laugh,telling her I could not.I thought it was an in house joke,little did I know that Mama Gee would take it a little too far...

Yesterday, we went to an African store to get palm oil and garri,basically soup things,we spent like forever trying to pick out stuff from the small shop.After what seemed like eternity with Mama Gee speaking Igbo very loudly over the phone,she decided she was not going to buy anything anymore and I told her that we could not just walk out from the yoruba woman's shop empty handed like that,then she was like, we would pretend we forgot our money and I told her no,that I could not do it.I decided to pick  a small bottle of palm oil,which had what looked like grains of sand that had settled at the bottom of   the container.While I was at the cashier's desk waiting on Mama Gee to come pay,because I left my wallet at the apartment when Mama Gee pulled me outta the house, ''to do her job no pay waka'' the woman and I had a little argument about garri containing cyanide(long story) and it got a little awkward.

Finally,Mama Gee came and I heaved a sigh of relief and asked her to pay,Mama Gee started acting Nigerian movie for me,asking me why I would go shopping without money,that she would not pay and the woman was right there watching the movie,I almost died(I could not believe she still wanted to claim forgetting her money),finally she swiped her card and I thanked God silently not knowing the worse was yet to come.

While we were waiting for receipt,before I could say Jack Robinson,I heard Mama Gee,the ''big olodo,the agbaya'' telling me and at the same time hitting my shoulder that I should ask the woman about baby sitting job.*Cheiiiiii the Idiot of a girl did not just say that* I almost died and my reply to her was,''Naa,this place is too far from the apartment'' instead of the idiot to take the hint and let it go,the stubborn goat,replied ''No!!! it is not,better talk to this woman ooo'' then the woman turned to Mama Gee and told her to leave me alone that I do not need the job yet and for a second,I could almost swear that she was giving Mama Gee the ''I understand what you are going through,friends that are parasites, that won't work,but want to suck you dry of your hard earned money and can not even afford palm oil look'' I almost died.Then,Mama Gee smiling like an mbeke said,''dont mind her she has never done it before that is why she is acting like that'' and me,not knowing what to say,quickly nodded my head in agreement and the woman looks at me and gives me what seemed like the pity look with her overfed cheeks and says,''ehn if you want something,you have to say it oh,so you get it,oya write your number and your name and beside your name write baby sitter''  Cheiii I did not just hear that.Why didn't the ground open?Why?

I started writing down what she had requested and started out with my number,I used forever for that,praying a natural disaster or armed robbers would come into the shop just so I would not have to write down my name,but with everything fine,I had to write down my name,I had an inner battle with myself to give a fake name or a real name but I ended up putting down my real name.Then the time came to write baby sitter beside my name,that was the most heart shattering moment of my life.At the end of the event,I looked at what I had managed to scribble and it read:

DEE BABYSITTER
404.......    and I do not know why,but it felt like I had just applied to be a house help.I saw what I had written as DEE HOUSEHELP/ANYWORK.

After that,I slowly peeled myself away and while I was still trying to figure out how I had turned into a househelp,Mama Gee was talking about how I needed to print my name and credentials and bring it back to her shop to paste on her wall and how I would be getting calls from people.All I could do was look at her chat away because what I had just experienced was greater than me...So people, I am now Dee the househelp...chaiiii see my life...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

lol...babysittin aint dat bad...dnt worry we all have our bad spells finance wise.

crazylifemeetsdee said...

I know,I am just not good with the kids that's all.

Toinlicious said...

I was just going to say babysitting isnt that bad too...think of it as practice for when you have urs ;)

"I understand what you are going through,friends that are parasites, that won't work,but want to suck you dry of your hard earned money and can not even afford palm oil look" is cracking me up badly. Dis Mama Gee sef lol

crazylifemeetsdee said...

do not mind the yeye girl...